One of the most important areas of intentionality is cultivating a spiritual mindset in our children. We had great ideas of how we would do this when we first started our adoption, but we realized that developing a spiritual pattern of thinking is more of a long-term process than we thought.

One challenge for adopted children is that they frequently come from non-Christian backgrounds. They may have known lives of abandonment and abuse, and do not know that there is a sovereign and loving Heavenly Father who is looking out for them. We have the privilege of sharing our faith with them. We can do this through (1) discussing God in the normal times of life, (2) discussing God in the difficult times of life, and (3) discussing God in the disciplinary times of life.

Discussing God in the normal times of life

Don’t you sometimes wish that talking with or about God was as easy as texting on your smartphone? Children learn to use a phone earlier in life, and it is difficult to get the attention of your older child because they are always on their phones. Yet God says, “Call unto me and I will show you great and mighty things which you do not know” (Jeremiah 33:3). His way of communication with us is through constant daily prayer (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

Once we understand this, we can practice talking about God during the routines of daily life. We can explain that prayer is just like talking with someone via Skype, and that just as we use texting and social media to keep up with and find out more about our friends, we can spend time in reading God’s Word to learn more about Him and what He wants us to do.

Our children will imitate us. If they discover that we are spending regular times in Bible reading, meditation, and prayer, they will want to do it. If they find us memorizing Scripture, they may start doing it. Having devotions together and watching Christian videos are other ideas.

We need to help them understand that their Heavenly Father is looking out for them as a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). We need to stop and talk with them whenever a question about God surfaces in their minds. The more they hear us talking about God in the normal routines of life, the more they will understand that He is interested in their daily lives.

Discussing God in the difficult times of life

Into every life there comes tragedy. The loss of grandparents, for example, was difficult for our children, but we talked about how God was ready to comfort us. There are other disappointments in life (with friends in school, difficulty with school subjects, and losses in sports) to allow us to discuss God’s sovereignty in our lives, and how His plan always comes out best (Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28).

Happy or sad emotions reinforce memories. With losses, we tend to ask the question “Why?” of God, because we believe that a loving God would not want us to experience sadness or loss. We need to help our children understand that God’s wisdom surpasses ours, and the sorrows we grieve now will be resolved in heaven. Death, for example, is not permanent.

Again, it is critical for our children to witness us modeling a godly response. The adoptive parent has difficulty relating to the child’s loss of birth parents. But as they see our responses to other losses in our lives (loss of relatives, loss of a job, or loss of health), they will learn our trust in God increases when we go through times of suffering and difficulty.

Discussing God in the disciplinary times of life

No one enjoys disciplining their children. Don’t you just wish they would straighten themselves up and “fly right”? Add to that the fact that many adopted children come from abusive family relationships, so we need to be sure our punishment is not abusive. The reality is that discipline is a part of life, because we are sinners. God’s means of developing a holy lifestyle in us is to correct us when we do what is wrong (Hebrews 12:5-11). The pain associated with discipline reminds us to avoid the behavior that necessitated it.

Discipline is associated with a long-term view of life rather than surrendering to the temptations of instant self-gratification. When we punished our children, we helped them understand what was wrong about what they did, and how to restore damaged relationships. We emphasized that God judges all our actions. We encouraged them to ask God for forgiveness and make restitution when necessary.

We also need to admit to our children when we are wrong, whether toward them (such as responding in anger) or when they witness us doing something wrong (such as speeding). When we confess our bad behavior, they realize that moral authority is from God, and this recognition strengthens their consciences.

These three seasons of life (normal, difficult, and disciplinary) become the stages of teaching our children about God and helping them develop a relationship with Him.