Our adopted children continue to challenge us in the area of wanting to know that they are loved. The wise parent will seek to meet that need as much and as often as possible. A key role in this approach is the recognition that I know I am loved because I love others.

There is a tendency to invert this statement and make it say, “I love because I know that I am loved.” This is a mistake, because it makes the recipient of love not responsible for their own actions and dependent on someone else to show love to them. However, when we all wait for another to show love to us before returning that love, we live a life of unfulfilled expectations and disappointment.

For the adopted child, he has been shown love by the fact of his adoption. He may not understand what this means, yet he should come quickly to the realization that he should take the initiative in showing love. Showing love initiates a complex emotional feedback loop which is not dependent on self-gratification, ending in the result that the child realizes that he is actually loved by those to whom he shows love.

This intentionality, of course, is intended to be two-way. The parent also provides love, and in turn recognizes that he is loved. This is the meaning of the selfish kind of agapē mentioned in the New Testament. It is the basis of my understanding God’s love for me. I need to be willing to show love to Him, and then I realize the depth of His love for me.

What do you think about this? Have you struggled with feeling loved, either by God or by your adopted child? Make an intentional decision to guide and mentor your child as an act of love by making a sacrifice on their behalf. You will find you are beginning to feel their love more and God’s love more.