Have you ever stared at the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle and wondered what two pieces go together? You could look at the overall picture on the cover of the box, but what if you don’t have this to look at? Only later you when the puzzle is assembled do you see the magic behind how all the pieces fit together.

Our adopted children can be like this. We struggle to figure out why they behave like they do. None of the pieces seem like they fit together. However, we may lack important information about their past that would help us see the big picture about traumas that they may have encountered. The incomplete picture can muddle our perception of them and choosing the wrong response to them.

The longer our adopted children are with us, the more we find out about their backgrounds. This may include various forms of abuse. However, our children internalize that what they have experienced in their (brief) lives is “normal.” They may have shame about parts of their history and only slowly release this information to their parents. In addition, their personality types may temper what they are willing to tell their parents.

There are times when two or more pieces of the puzzle may appear to be connected, based on the background information which we know. Then we are surprised to find out that what looked like a match to us is really no match at all.

Of course, the idea of a puzzle is that it is all unknown to us. However, in jigsaw puzzles as in real life there is a master designer who knew all along what the picture was supposed to look like. The explanation of why certain things fit together and others don’t can only ultimately be resolved by the master designer.

Feel free to comment on this blog below.