Of the many games we played with our sons after they were adopted, their favorite was “hide and seek.” They had their preferred places in hide inside our house, including in the bathtub (behind the shower curtain) and in an empty box in our spare bedroom. When we found them, they jumped with excitement and roaring laughter. They frequently gave away their hiding places by their giggling as we entered the room!

Through this, we learned the importance of having fun together as they were growing up. While we frequently recall the difficult times trying to help our adopted children bond with us, it is the fun times that they remember most. Over the years, we have a list of the fun things that we have done together. These become the basis for memories through the years and things that they can share with their spouses and children.

As we think back on our experiences of playing “hide and seek,” we wonder if our children were acting out their desires to be really “found” and wanted. Each time we uncovered their “secret” hiding places, it gave them assurance that we would always come looking for them. We deeply longed for them to feel a part of our family. While they hoped that we parents would attach to them, they developed increased confidence in us because of our joy discovering their hiding places.

This reminds us of our Heavenly Father who adopts us. He is the one who seeks out His children, both prior to, and after, the adoption. Even when we disobey Him, He never stops searching for us (just like He did with Adam and Eve). He will not give up on us. His persistent lovingkindness becomes the model for us with our children.

“Finding” our children as we have fun with them requires time, attention, and expressing genuine feelings. When we want to spend time with them, this reinforces their self-worth. Giving them our complete attention may seem challenging, but it gives our children the freedom to communicate their thoughts and wishes with us. In addition, it provides security for them to express their genuine feelings about what they are going through.

What are some ways that we can plan on having fun with our adopted children? We should look for special one-on-one times with each child. Ask what does each child enjoy doing? Once we are playing, look for opportunities to ask appropriate yet sensitive questions. For younger children, play therapy may be a way to help them express themselves. And in each situation, ask the Holy Spirit to lead you in how best to show love and get to know your child.

How have you found having fun with your children to help develop your relationship with them? Please comment below and let me know what works for you.