I have trouble staying awake in art galleries. My wife has taken me to several well-known ones, but not being an art lover means that these works of art (or occasionally history) are lost on me. I also find that skimming the photos of others on their cell phones not too remarkable.

That’s why when the day came in April to go to the adoption agency office because our application had finally been approved, it was a day mixed with both hope and trepidation. My wife felt drawn to twin boys, age nine, and she shared the photo of these impish lads with me. But our social worker insisted that we page through two full binders of sibling groups awaiting adoption. So, my wife went to the agency, and her heart was touched and torn by the photos of hundreds of beautiful children of all ages who were living in orphanages across the country from which we were willing to adopt. After some reflection, my wife came home and wisely showed me again the picture of our future sons. We looked at “our twins” and prayerfully committed to pursuing them. 

Except for foster parents, one of the most difficult decisions that prospective adoptive parents face is that of choosing which child(ren) to adopt. Going through the process makes you wish you could adopt them all, yet reality says that this is not possible. How can you know that God has chosen specific children to be part of your family?

We are chosen by God (1 Peter 1:1, 2:9). God did not have to choose to adopt any of us, and yet in mercy and love He did so (Ephesians 1:11). How did He know whom to choose? We will never know the answer to that question, but His love made Him pick some to adopt as His sons and daughters.

It does not help to second-guess the decision after a definite commitment to adopt specific children is made. While it may be tempting to think that things might have been different had one adopted a different child, knowing that God has planned one’s adoption helps us to adapt even when things become difficult.

The best way to select a child or children for adoption is to ask God who would best blend into one’s current family. This requires an honest evaluation of the parents’ strengths and weaknesses (and other siblings in the family if any). Hope is the by-product of seeing oneself truthfully, and a skilled social worker is able to guide the parents with thought-provoking questions. There is also no substitute for lots of prayer in this process. But getting a lot of input on the front end from those who know you well is the best way to be “choosy” in picking children to adopt.

For those who adopted already, what guidelines helped you decide on your prospective adopted children? Please comment on this subject on this website. Thanks!