We might call it “getting even,” but siblings have a form of rivalry where one child feels the right to extract something from the others when they feel violated. It may start with sharing of toys, but rapidly progresses to other forms of payback (such as getting a favorite food, or watching a preferred television program or movie). Rarely do we think about a positive form of payback, gratitude.

Since God has chosen to adopt us as His children before the foundation of the world, we should show our thanksgiving to Him in reciprocity for this extraordinary gift. We may have expected our adopted sons to be happy for making them a part of our family, but this was slow in coming due to attachment disorder. However, we began to see glimmers of gratefulness in their lives as they began to realize the permanence of our family.

In exchange for our adoption by our Heavenly Father, we should be filled with praise, worship, and thanksgiving. We might assume our children will give us appreciation verbally and by doing what they are told. This is easy to do when things are going well. Our children were showered with gifts from members of our church when we returned home from the international adoption, and this was a special memory that helped us bond as a family. Altogether too often, however, they complained when circumstances got difficult, just like we do with our Heavenly Father. Rather than running to Him in a spirit of trust and humility, we want our situation to change or others to satisfy us. When one of our children fell and broke his arm, we did not chide him for doing so, but sought to soothe him in his pain.

This is known as the principle of patronage and reciprocity in adoption. The adoptive parent(s) extend their patronage over the child (both rights and responsibilities), and the adopted child eventually responds with gratitude and humility, either through words or deeds. We worship our Heavenly Father, for example, because He is worthy of praise for making us part of His family. We want our children to learn to be thankful.

How can we demonstrate reciprocity toward our Heavenly Father so that our child(ren) see that this is an integral part of our lives? 1 Thessalonian 5:18 says to “give thanks in everything.” When our children see us thanking God, they are encouraged to express that same gratefulness to Him and to us. By sharing Jesus with others, we model the faith that He has blessed us with being His adopted children. While voicing gratitude, we are often led to show kindness to others.

How have you tried to teach reciprocity or payback to your child(ren)? Please feel free to share your experiences in the comment box below.