Twas the day after Christmas, and the tree which had recently looked so regal now stood barren. Ornaments removed, the Christmas tree was as bare as the trees that had shed their leaves outside of our house. It was time to haul the tree away to the recyclers.

Sometimes as we look back on time, our lives appear like this Christmas tree. We are tempted to reflect on memories rather than embrace the present. We are tempted by the perspective of how beautiful the past was, and how empty our lives appear at this point. This is true of adoption, as well.

When we are new adoptive parents, we may forget the pain of the barrenness of the past. We live in the expectation and hope of our adopted children attaching to us, and then are disappointed when they do not. We do not remember that adoption is a process at this point in rearing our children, and that there will be ups and downs in our situation. Their resistance to our parenting may make us feel barren again.

When our children grow up and move out, we may also face a period of feeling empty. Our memories of them growing up and our time together as a family make us nostalgic for the past. The “empty nest” syndrome is real and can be filled with longing of days gone by. The visits of our grown children become too few and far between. And we long for the future reunions that we will experience together.

How do we compensate for these feelings? First, we must never give into depression. Our backward reflections may make us sad for opportunities missed or mistakes made. However, even Jesus had an earthly mother and father who may have erred from time to time. We can long for “the good old days,” but can never bring them back.

On the positive side, we can make a point of sharing our feelings with our children. We should recognize that the last chapter of our lives has not yet been written. We should ask God for wisdom to live each day to the full, pouring our lives into those who need our help. Most of all, we need to recognize the truth of 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” Allow Him to use your weakness to a means of encouraging and building up others.

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