How do our adopted children view marriage and family? This is not a simple question to answer, because many of them start out with a dysfunctional view of the family and of their birth parents. They may have had a positive experience with one member of their family, and not others; it may be one parent that is associated with abuse. And have you noticed how our culture has become so individualistic and pleasure-chasing that it has devalued marriage and family?

One thing that God uses to mold our thinking about marriage and family is the modeling that we observe as we grow up. As a result of seeing our parents’ strengths and weaknesses, we tend to imitate their behaviors (both good and bad). But a child who witnesses the ongoing love of a father and a mother to each other is seeing the pattern for his or her own lifetime. Who wouldn’t want the stability of a relationship permanently bonded in the glue of love?

It is in this setting that the adoptive parents also must correct the cultural perception of love and family. Regrettably there are too many examples today of families that have been affected by the deterioration leading to divorce. A local billboard advertises, “Divorce—A New Beginning!” Yet, we must instruct our children about the pitfalls of such an approach, which has catastrophic consequences for all associated with it. As our adopted children observe how we work through challenges and problems, they are motivated to a lifetime of doing the same.

Adopted children can be plagued by a sense of insecurity about their own personal worth. As a result, they may see themselves as unable to value and love another person, or be loved and valued as well. They need to realize that their significance is because God considers them precious because they have been made in His image. Our ability to give love is often in proportion to how loved we feel.  When we realize that we are loved by those closest to us no matter what we have done (or has been done to us), we are free to offer that same love to someone else.

When our adopted children observe the daily sacrifices that the parents make, they decide to have a family of their own. There is great joy in watching our children choose the bonds of marriage.  As they walk down the aisle committing themselves to their spouse, we can rejoice that they have chosen to offer the remainder of their lives to another person and that our family has expanded again.