Previously I looked at intentionality with regard to God. Another area to practice intentionality as adoptive parents is discussing adoption with our children. We can do this (1) as they ask about adoption, (2) by talking about their experience prior to adoption, and (3) when they ask about the meaning of adoption in Christ.

As They Ask About Adoption

Children are naturally curious and ask questions about everything. Children adopted at a younger age do not necessarily know about their birth parents, but may ask the question, “Where did I come from?” This is an invitation to begin the story of their adoption by answering, “You are so blessed! You have two mommies!” They should know that they have a birth mother who chose to give them life, and an adoptive mother who chose to rear them.

With older children who have memories of their birth parents and family, it is important to start talking about their adoption early, whenever they bring up the topic. This will likely be frequent as they begin to process their abandonment and attachment. We shared Jeremiah 29:11 with our children, so that they would know that we believed we were doing God’s will in adopting them and that God had a big plan for each of them.

Talking About Their Experience Prior to Adoption

As a child matures, they begin to reflect more on their experiences in life, including their lives prior to adoption. Because of this, they want to talk about their adoption and what led up to it. Fundamental to this conversation is the desire to feel loved by their parents. Having had the most significant relationship in their lives (birth parents) disrupted, they may feel some self-blame for what has happened to them.

We need to reassure our children that their circumstances prior to adoption were not of their own making. Ultimately none of us understand God’s purposes fully for pain and suffering in this life. Yet as we grow in our trust of Him, we are able accept that He had a plan through this.

Talking About the Meaning of Adoption in Christ

We also want to reassure our children that their adoption parallels our adoption in Christ. Paul clearly speaks about this in Romans 8, where he links our adoption with being filled with God’s Holy Spirit. Because of His Spirit living in us, we have confidence that God has adopted us into His family.

The parallels between physical adoption and spiritual adoption are significant, as noted in other posts in this blog. Key to this is God’s love and acceptance of us, and His willingness to pay the price of our adoption through the death of Jesus Christ.

Because our children can see themselves as having been adopted twice, this will help them to develop relationships with those around them and share the message of God’s love with them.

What do you think? Are there other key times when we should be prepared to talk about Adoption with our children?