It was a cold January day with temperatures hovering in the teens. School had been cancelled for the day (to our sons’ delight), so they were free to spend it however they wanted. Having a frozen pond behind our backyard only added to the prospects of a fun afternoon. Our sons donned their ice skates and got their hockey sticks and went off to become NHL players. About an hour later, one came back in with his right arm wrapped up in his coat.

“I think I broke my arm,” was all he could say, controlling the tears. Mom took one look at the arm and realized it was not straight. “Let’s get in the car and head off to the hospital,” she mustered. Soon, she also called me at work to let me know that they were off to the ER, and I should join them. Once we got there, the x-ray confirmed what we had feared—a double fracture of his right forearm. Surgery would be necessary that night. We sought to comfort him and his brother about the mishap, all the while struggling in our own minds with what had happened.

Parenting is full of ups and downs. Knowing that our children had been adopted from a background of trauma, we wanted to spare them from as much of life’s trauma as we could. Yet here it seemed that we had failed them. Having surgery at fifteen was not what we had expected for our son.

Successes and Failure Come Together

So often as adoptive parents we focus on our failures with our children. We fear becoming the next family facing a disrupted adoption because we cannot meet the needs of our children. Our griefs become something that others have faced as well. One Facebook site, “Moms of Disrupted/Dissolved Adoption” (for families who have experienced disrupted adoptions of Russian children) (https://www.facebook.com/MomofDisruptedAdoption/) claims 628 followers. Another website, Imago Hearts (http://imagohearts.org), features training to help the adoptive parent overcome his own adverse childhood experiences in order to surmount his child’s attachment disorder.

On the other hand, we frequently do not remember the successes of our adoption. Are our children growing in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men? We forget that it takes time to see maturity in our children, even if they repeat some of their same mistakes. We sometimes fail to see the love returned to us by our children as they begin to accept the love that we have for them. We can fail to see the relationships taking hold in their lives with other siblings. And we might even forget that they may have invited Jesus into their lives as a result of our sharing the gospel with them!

Celebrating Successes in our Child’s Life

We need to be reminded that God is the one who decides whether we have been successful in our child’s life or not. God wants our focus to be upon Him, which is why the Bible uses the word “remember” 167 times. He does this so that we will thank Him for all that He has already done for us. One of those things that He has done is to bring us to the children we want to adopt, and to help us complete our children’s adoption. Remembering this will help us remember how special these children are to us and to God. Then, we can celebrate the successes which have already occurred.

As we agonized with our son while he went through the recovery process from surgery, we realized that we had developed a special relationship with him. We were fully his parents and would care for him no matter what. What do you need to celebrate today to help you with your adopted children?