I look outside and I see snow covering everything. It covers the yard, the sidewalks, the driveway, and the street. It is our reminder that winter has come. Snow had been described as both pure and beautiful, but I sometimes wish there wasn’t so much of it.

Thing is, when snow covers up everything, you cannot tell what it is covering up. Everything is covered with the same shade of white. Only the trees and the shrubs give evidence of an active world underneath. Who knows what lurks below—grass, weeds, dirt, or even insects?

We entered adoption thinking that we would find out everything about our adopted children that we wanted to know. Nothing could have been further from the truth. They were like Christmas packages, shiny and beautiful, still waiting to be unwrapped. Their thoughts and emotions were the ground that lay under the crisp, velvety white covering of snow that was all we saw.

As we begin to unbundle our adopted children, we realize that they are caught in the process called “liminality.” Liminality is the transitional period or phase of a rite of passage, during which the participant lacks social status or rank. It is a time of moving between two things. In this case, it refers to our children’s transition from their lives prior to adoption to living in our family.

During the liminal period, the fears and hopes of those transitioning may be unspoken, but play a major role in how they act. One moment, they may be coherent and compliant. The next, they may be out of control and disruptive. Even the expectations awaiting the completion of the liminal period may not be enough to help them overcome the fears inside. It is like the frozen ground that lies underneath the snow.

Knowing this, our role as adoptive parents is to encourage them to stay focused on what God is doing in their lives. As adoptive parents, we realize and accept the fact that they will need encouragement to become our children in every way. This requires an anchoring stability. It results in our constant reminders to them that they are part of our family and that we will never give up on them (even if we don’t know how long this liminal phase will last). It means patiently living one day at a time with them, and knowing that their future will not necessarily be like what we see today.

What about you? Have you had struggles during the transition period following your adoption? What sustains you in persevering? Please comment below and share your thoughts.