We studied adoption prior to receiving our sons, and thought we were prepared for whatever was going to happen next. Nothing could have been further from the truth. Just when we thought we had figured them out, we discovered one more thing about their past that made them unpredictable.
We were not surprised by their hoarding or their seeming affection for complete strangers—we had been alerted to watch for these signs of attachment disorder. We also endured their anger when they punched holes in the wall. On the other hand, we were caught off guard by their rebellion and acting out when they became teenagers, including their preference for mischievous friends in school.
At the bottom of it all, we wondered how to show love to sons who had never really experienced it other than from their sister. They didn’t know why we would choose to love them. They expected us to return them to the orphanage if they were disobedient enough. Their behaviors were hard to modify because they were practicing the survival skills they had already mastered.
Are we sometimes like that with our adoptive Heavenly Father? We know mentally that He loves us, and yet we still feel unlovable. We return to the same old sins, because somehow they are comforting to us. We live the way we did before becoming His children, because it is familiar to us, while living by faith stretches us and is hard. Being God’s adopted children requires that we redefine our “comfort zones.” We think He tells us things in His Word that are impossible or difficult for us.
It took time for our sons to believe in the permanence of their adoption. The experience of going through two court adoption hearings (one in Russia, and one in the US) were not enough. They were simply pieces of paper to our sons which could be undone, especially when we were unsure of their actions. They struggled to believe the “facts” of their adoption, and had difficulty changing their lifestyles. They finally understood love when they began to go through crises in their lives which they could not handle on their own and they turned to us. Love was not simply provision of food and shelter, but accepting and helping them when they hit roadblocks.
We might think we know the depths of God’s love for us, but the reality of Ephesians 3:18-19 is that His love is beyond understanding. It is God’s unconditional acceptance of us, despite our failures and sinfulness. Not only did He rescue us from slavery to bad habits, but He continues to redeem us when we repeat them. In fact, He says that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:35). He breaks us of the attachment disorder we have toward Him.
Persistence (and prayer) caused our children to believe in the permanency of their adoption. It broke their pride and confidence in their previous way of life. As we get to know our Heavenly Father better day-by-day, may we eagerly submit to the Holy Spirit’s work of transforming us into the image of His son (Roman 12:2).
What have you learned that helps you persist in your adoptive journey?
Marcellus George and his loving wife are the adoptive parents of (now adult) twin sons. He is the author of numerous articles and devotions, has a Ph.D. in theology...
Great comparison with our adoption into Christ and your adoption of your sons. We struggle to believe God’s love. Thank you for sharing.