One of the challenges of adoption is thinking you know what you don’t already know. We read all the books about adoption that we could get our hands on before our adoption was finalized. This gave us a false sense of security, thinking that we knew what we were getting ourselves into. However, children do not come with an instruction manual (as they say), and each child is different. We found that what we had learned from reading about adoption was partly true and partly false.

As soon as one of our sons threw his first temper tantrum in our house, we were forced to face reality. It was humbling to admit that we did not have all the answers, and we often wondered how the caregivers in the orphanage would handle certain situations. It was also humbling to go to friends and admit that we needed help in our parenting. Our sense of hubris had been shattered.

At times like these, we found out who our real friends were. They were people to whom we could go and confide our problems and misgivings. They understood that our children would try to pit us against each other in order to get their way. We didn’t have to create a façade of always having it all together. They laughed and cried alternately with us. They helped us sort out behaviors we could change from those we could not. Most of all, they showered love on our sons.

Pride comes with a cost. Being afraid to let down one’s guard can result in “going it alone.” But adoptive parents know that there are risks involved in rearing adopted children—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Our children are ours because we love them, and we want the very best for them. This includes the times that we need to demonstrate humility to our children by asking their forgiveness when we are wrong.

What struggles have you encountered in adoption? To whom have you been able to turn to get advice and help? Please comment in the box below about this topic.