Amazing Grace. I don’t remember the actual first time I heard this song, since it was sung quite frequently at our church growing up. John Newton, the author of this song, had experienced God’s grace firsthand, and went from being an alcoholic and slave ship captain to being a pastor. Yet it took a few years for me to realize that I personally needed grace, and that this song was not just about “bad” people.

The primary definition of grace is “unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification.” But grace is better seen as a dance: God offers something freely to man, and then man responds. Man’s acceptance or rejection of God’s offer determines what will happen next. Thus, grace is so much more than a hackneyed expression, and being gracious is something that we learn from God and those around us. Grace is a fundamental expression of who God is (John 1:14-17), and is so important that Paul uses this word to refer to God’s gift twenty-two times in the book of Romans alone!

Adoption is yet another way that we both experience grace and give grace to others. In fact, the two are linked together in Ephesians 1:5-7, where we find that our adoption as God’s sons was predestined by Him according to His grace. The dance of grace occurs during our adoption of our children as well.

Adoption Teaches Us Our Need for Grace

Anyone who has been through the process of adoption with the inevitable huge amount of paperwork knows that being accepted for adoption is not automatic. As we dream about the day that our adopted children become ours, we pour through the documents which are necessary for this to occur. The day comes for our first home study, and we pray that there would not be something the social worker would find that would disqualify us. Then the day comes when we get the call we have been waiting for—can you fly to your child’s country to finalize the adoption? In each of these steps, we see ourselves as needy and pray for grace to be shown to us.

Grace was highlighted after our adoption as well. Since it was easy to spot us as foreigners, people would question us about our family, only to discover that we had adopted our two sons. They would turn to our sons and tell them that they must always obey us. As we waited for our turn at the United States embassy to get our children’s visas, we were reminded again of our need for grace in the eyes of the governments to allow us to transport them to their new home in the United States.

Adoption Taught Us Our Children’s Need for Grace

We adopted our children from an orphanage. They were accustomed to a way of life that demanded that they fend for themselves. They were helpless in finding another set of parents that would give them a family and a future. The orphanage could not provide this for them. As I thought about adoption, I asked God to give us children who truly needed to be shown grace.

Since our sons did not understand what a normal family was supposed to be like, it was impossible for them to imagine what adoption would mean. It was completely dependent upon us as the parents to take the initiative and adopt them. They had to receive the grace in court when the judge asked them if they wanted to be adopted. Once they had accepted the grace shown toward them, they were legally adopted!

Our Ongoing Need for Grace

Not a day passes but what we are reminded of our own failings and those of our children. We find that all of us are in continuous need for grace toward each other. This means that we do not hold grudges, but that we are ready to forgive one another in the same way that we have been forgiven. The Lord’s Prayer is a fitting reminder of this: “And forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us” (Luke 11:4, ESV).

The dance of grace requires that we both forgive and ask others for forgiveness. When we appreciate our own need for grace, we are able more quickly to offer that same forgiveness to others. The nature of grace as part of God’s character may be remembered by this acronym:

G – God

R – Reaching out

A – Adopts us as a

C – Consequence of

E – Energetic love

How are you doing at showing grace to your children? What do you find to be the most challenging aspect of this? How do you want your children to remember you as a parent?