It was the day for washing clothes, and I was looking forward to clean clothes, especially without the food stains I had spilled on myself. I put the clothes in the washing machine, added the soap, and (presto!) started the machine. The machine started to fill with water, and then the cleaning action started. About twenty minutes later, I went to inspect the machine after I was disturbed by its rumbling noise. The machine was overloaded, and the wash tub became unbalanced in the spin cycle.

Many people entered adoption with high expectations, particularly that their adopted children will turn out alright because they work to release their children from the stains of their past, including abandonment by their birth parents. The intentions of the adoptive parents are noble. They hope that by following a formula (like adding soap and water to a washing machine) will do the trick. Then they are surprised to find that, despite their best intentions, the adoption (and the family) become unbalanced. The interruptions that adopted children bring into a family can sometimes be overwhelming to their adoptive parents. The parents might even question what it was that they signed up for!

Of course, being an adoptive parent takes hard work, like the agitation that goes on inside the washing machine during the wash cycle. While the work of adoption starts at the formal hearing itself, in continues for years thereafter. Most adopted children are not old enough to understand intangible words like “love,” and only process tangible actions. In addition, just as it can be hard as we try to get stains out of our clothes, taking multiple attempts to get them out, we may find that our initial approaches may not succeed in helping our children respond to us as we wish. The repetition of a behavior, can over time, lead to a habit (whether good or bad). We labor to help our children develop good habits, such as exemplifying the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

Adoptions can be like washing machines in that it takes the spin cycle to bring out the best in the cleaning (ridding the clothes of soap and too much water). In the same way, our children sometimes need to go through hard times themselves to bring about the character we want to see. We trust in God to get these children through the hard times and come out being cleaner and fresher than before.