Have you ever witnessed a game where two teams were evenly matched? You keep cheering for your team, hoping they will overcome the odds to win. We went through this many times with our sons playing soccer. The tying or winning goal determined their emotional outlook and that of the team. A win, and all would be well, A loss, well, that is a real downer.

We have come to learn that life is a lot like these games, since life is a mixture of both wins and losses. For our sons, the greatest loss was the loss of the lives they had experienced in their birth home and in the orphanage. They had bonded to their older sister, who was their primary caregiver. The love they received in the orphanages soothed some of their hurts. Yet, now they were going to be adopted, something they could not fully understand. The social worker kept reassuring them that this was the best thing that could happen to them, but they doubted it many times.

We had to realize that we were adopting two pre-teenage boys, not two robots. Their emotional hurts and needs were real. We struggled to keep up with these needs, especially at those junctions when we doubted our ability. They struggled with their own emotions when they felt they had failed us, so we had to run to their aid to try and restore these. They were learning how to cope with the losses that accompany us throughout every stage of our lives. Our verse for them became Jeremiah 29:11, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope.’”

We reassured them that God did have a plan for their lives, and that everything that happened to them was part of the plan. The plan included both losses and gains.

The Nativity reminds us of both losses and gains associated with Jesus’ first coming. He humbled Himself to become the incarnated “God-man,” and He lived among sinful men. His life was marked by suffering, and He is our example in how to respond to suffering and loss. However, the gain that He brought was the assurance of our salvation, an unspeakable joy. That is why the angels announced that night that they brought good news of great joy!

What hurdles and losses are your adopted children facing? Can you help them begin to understand that losses and gains (as well as pain and joy) are a normal part of life? Please comment in the comment box below.