Our house, like many in our part of the country, has a basement. This is a room below the main house that gives more floor space to the house. We do not live in the basement, but use it for other purposes (storage mainly).

Exploring this subterranean space leads to a variety of findings. One is that the utilities are stored in the basement. These are the things that keep the house functioning (heating, cooling, and water). Our Internet and television are also in the basement. In addition, we store a lot of things for ourselves and our children downstairs.

Our children used to love to play “hide and seek” in our basement, because there were so many places to hide from us. We couldn’t ever seem to find them when they hid there, and the darkness also helped conceal their location. Often, we could not find them until they let out a squeal or a laugh to let us where they were.

This seemed to mirror their temperaments for letting us understand who they were. We found many things hidden in their past that only emerged gradually. As they opened up to us and shared their feelings and emotions, we began to appreciate all that they had been through being removed from their birth family, placed in orphanages, and then being adopted. A giant journey for sure! What made them angry, what made them sad, what made them happy, and what did they fear?

Looking slowly and carefully through the basement would sometimes reveal where our sons were hiding. But more often, they had to want to be found. The same is true for their emotions and feelings. We found that being patient and waiting for them to open up to us was part of the adoption journey.

What things have you found helpful in understanding your adopted child(ren)? Feel free to comment in the comment box below.